Sheppie and comrades are back by popular demand. My statistics page reveals that ‘Everybody needs a lobbyist’ is the most read post. So I have decided to leverage my furry friends a little. (To those who are new to these characters, please read the aforementioned blog posted in January). For those who don’t want to take the trouble, these chaps are anthropomorphic dogs/cats, who will tell a new story in every episode, though retaining some shades of their original character. In this edition, Sheppie is the head of the powerful Canine family, which has controlled the leftover food trade for a decade. He is an old school gangster of the Don Vito Corleone vintage – a baddie with scruples. His family has maintained an uneasy truce with the Feline family, headed by Don Moustachio Feline, a less scrupulous cat but willing to honour to the coexistence agreement. Don Mongy is the local slumlord, known to provide temporary muscle to racketeers through his control over stray dogs. But his goons are no match for the thoroughbreds of the Canine family.
Sheppie and his trusted lieutenant, the muscular Labbie don’t always see eye to eye on implementation methods.
Sheppie: Labbie, I need your boys to tone down the aggressive posturing they adopt during food distribution. Some day it will break out into a fight with the cats and I am not looking for trouble again with the dog disposal squad.
Labbie: Don, we don’t need to share our territory with them in the first place.
Sheppie: Don’t underestimate them Labbie. They may be small, but they are tenacious and agile. Ask one-eyed Joe. He was lucky not to have his balls torn off. Besides, let’s not forget that the guys at the dog disposal squad are on their payroll.
Labbie: Damn. Why isn’t there a cat disposal squad? Pommie is not pushing the bill enough in the Parliament.
Sheppie: I have asked Pommie to go slow on it. Moustachio called me last week and said that any such bill will be met with a dog sterilization bill. Our numbers are already dwindling. If such a bill is passed we will soon be history.
At this moment, Don Sheppie’s Consigliere Puggie enters the room. Labbie and Puggie don’t like each other much. Labbie is a street bred fighter who has worked his way to the top while Puggie is a late lateral induction into the family, much admired for his analytical skills but sometimes found lacking in his understanding of ground realities.
Puggy: Don, my boys have just completed the MIS report. Would you like me to take you through it?
Sheppie: Sure. Pull up a mat. Let’s see what you got
Puggy opens up a powerpoint presentation with charts and matrices.
Puggy: Research shows that our boys are most interested in jobs that involve biting Congressmen. Apparently they are the best fed and easy targets as they need permission from High Command before attempting to escape.
Labbie: Tell us something new kid.
Puggy: Research also shows that the gang headed by Mongy the slumlord is slowly and steadily gaining territory. He provides underground locations where the tax evaders can stash their cash. With Swiss Banks fearing leaks by Julian Assange, these underground locations provide perfect alternatives and can be accessed only by Mongy and his boys
Sheppie: Good work lad ! But why didn’t Pommie get me this information? Get him on the line. He is spending too much time with film stars.
Pommie is on the line
Sheppie: Pommie, it seems someone else is doing your work for you these days. Why didn’t I get information on Mongy’s growing clout from you?
Pommie: Don, I have been trying to get a contract for 100 security dogs for the IPL matches. The BCCI is giving me a tough time because of our Modi links. Can you believe, they threatened to hire Moustachio’s cats instead, if I didn’t leak certain information that Modi’s pet dog is privy to. Everybody is interested in a leak these days.
Sheppie: What do you think of this underground money business?
Pommie: The market is good. You can also earn supplementary income by providing dogs that guard these locations. Priyanka Chopra and Katrina Kaif have shown some interest. If you give me the green signal I will sign a deal with them.
Sheppie: I am not sure I want to get into this business boys. It’s not good for the economy. We may be thugs, but we have some principles
Puggie: Don, we need to change with the times, or upstarts like Mongy will soon be calling the shots
Labbie: Hold on boys, we have built this family with sweat and values. Every business has The Good, The Bad and The Ugly. I may not be The Last Man Standing, but I will not compromise For A Few Dollars More.
Puggie: Cut the Western jargon Labbie. There’s shitloads of money to be made in this business.
Pommie: I just got a Tweet that Mongy and Moustachio have signed a contract with Mayawati. Moustachios boys will dig the holes and Mongy will provide the security. Rivals coming together is not good news boss
Sheppie: Set up a conference call with Mongy and Moustachio. What they are doing is not right.
A conference call is set up
Sheppie: Don Mongy and Don Moustachio, it seems you will go to any extent to make money. What is this deal I hear about with Mayawati.
Moustachio: That’s only the tip of the iceberg Don Sheppie. Besides there isn’t much money left in flesh trade.
Mongy: We slumdogs have right to a good life too. Why should the pedigreed have all the money.
Puggy: They are right Don Sheppie. The window of opportunity is small. If Julian Assange gets arrested, the Swiss Banks will be back in business.
Pommie: Hold on. Just got a tweet from Baba Rahul.
Everyone: What does it say??
Pommie: Oh nothing. He just says that he got his feet licked clean by a senior party member. God, he is getting repetitive. I think I will stop following him
Sheppie: Ok everyone. I am not into this money stashing business. And I will make sure none of my guard dogs help you out in this.
Look of disapproval from Don Moustachio and Don Mongy. Puggy is seen forwarding his resume to two email addresses from his smartphone. Two beeps are heard.
No comments:
Post a Comment