Golden Kela Awards, the Indian version of Razzies, though not as famous, were declared few days back. It was heartening to see that some of my own ‘favorites’ (Sanjay Leela Bhansali, Shah Rukh Khan, etc) were among those ‘banana-ed’. I almost fell off my bed on reading that there is a category named “3 Idiots Childbirth Award for the most ridiculous sequence in a movie". This is the kind of stuff I identify with.
Taking inspiration, I have decided to institute my own set of awards, spread across the spectrum of social life in India. You will notice that most of these are customized to make a particular individual win hands down, and this amounts to cheating, but I have never made any claims that I am an honest person.
Award for “Excellence in family management”: Goes to M.Karunanidhi, Tamil Nadu’s macho man with 3 wives. With a family tree as complicated as the insides of a jet engine, he gets 11 out of 10 for figuring out if the latest person to be involved in a scam is related to him. (I am told he uses Google for it with the search string “Karunanidhi+clan+including+illegitimate” and gets 24 million results)
Award for “Setting new paradigms in management”: Shared by Conference call facilities and Smartphones. Now the only way to escape work is death itself. Scared of the consequences of your decision? Not well informed? A conference bridge is few button presses away. Summon 25 people and brainstorm. (We Indians like to call it ‘collective decision making’). Need quick comments on a confusing email sent by the Director at 3 in the night? Just push it to that uppity assistant on his Blackberry (he asked for it)
“Most loyal follower” award – to Times of India for their eternal love with Lindsay Lohan, Kim Kardashian and Lady Gaga - the only people in this world of any relevance (after Mr. Honest Manmohan Singh i.e). If these ladies ever feel lonely, they can visit the TOI office where I am told that a red carpet lies rolled up at the reception, waiting for them.
“Misplaced priorities” award – To the BJP, for repeatedly asking for PM’s head to roll. Some advice to them:
1. Dr. Manmohan Singh does not control the government. He was never meant to. Get this into your heads
2. Congress is not dependent on its allies for staying in power this time
3. Next elections are 3 years away – a long time in Indian public memory
4. Something will happen in the next 3 years which will bring Congress back to power (or keep you from coming to power)
5. If Dr. Manmohan Singh were to step down, whom would you like to see as PM? Do you really think it makes ANY difference who heads the government?
“Quitting is for losers” Award – to Kashmira Shah for her ‘sexy’ calendar. Amid speculations that the calendar was a con job involving morphing of Kashmira’s face on some better toned bodies, I decided to check it out. Not being particularly adept at recognizing her curves, I gave my judgment a pass. No ambiguity on one thing though – If you can’t titillate them, confuse them.
“I make movies for myself” Award – Hands down winner – Sanjay Leela Bhansali for Guzaarish. I don’t speak for the world here, so excuse my opinionated ranting. Seldom has a movie made me think so hard. Think i.e. to understand if I am missing a point. Is this one helluva movie and I am emotionally/mentally incapable of appreciating it? Finally I gave up. No matter how much I tried, I could feel no sympathy for Hrithik Roshan who looks so handsome, well built (despite spending years as a vegetable), having the beauteous Aishwarya Rai as a companion and living in a Mansion people would kill for. This is not to say that good looking and rich people do not deserve sympathy in a similar situation, but it fails to work in the movie. Even the khatiya bound Amma in Peepli Live evoked more feelings, if seen in another perspective. And what’s with the Victorian (or whatever) setting and outfits? What value does it add to the movie? Mood? It looks downright ridiculous.
“Balanced debate is for schools” award – Again hands down winner Arnab Goswami. Much as I admire him for his zeal in trying to fight corrupt and inept leaders (and he does appear genuinely outraged on most occasions), I cannot agree with his methods. Making a seekh kabab out of an outnumbered politician on a one versus five debate looks great on TV, but presents a danger that soon majority opinion will officially be regarded as law.
ooh a post with politicians and Bollywood...my cup runneth over.
ReplyDeleteDont stress too much about the "desh keliye kuch bhi karey ga" post,your comment didnt get published but I am pretty sure I would have identified with the sentiment! These things happen and I understand where GBong was coming from, what he wrote were not all lies you know, I was just disappointed with him bringing up what is a national embarrassment for us on this day. Kind of like the snarky school teacher reminding you But you failed second grade Maths the day you are defending your thesis.